Affirmation: Yaaas, Bitch, I have had it GOOD!


Action Plan:

I've been spending a lot of time in the "Meh" area of the spiral lately. That's the space where things aren't really bad, but they aren't really great either. When I'm in that space, things can tend to get on my nerves easily. In fact, at one point when I was out of town, I was bitching in my head about all of the things that I didn't like about the place I was visiting ... and let me tell you, once I get started, I can get ROLLIN', baby! So, while I was doing my little inner "Bitch-Fest," I had a little epiphany.



So, first let me say that there's this idiom I have read often, and I'm sure you have too, that has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. There are many different iterations of it (and one is pictured below), but it's this idea that we can't have happiness without pain ... no joy without sorrow ... no smile without tears ... blah, blah, blah, blah! You get the idea.


I mean, I get it in a literal sense:

Our reality is dualistic where everything is based on a continuum that can be measured (I sound so smart, don't I? Um, I looked that shit up ... jus' sayin'...).


I get it theoretically:

You can't fully appreciate one without having experienced the other.




But I also worry that this can set us up to believe that we need to "pay our dues" of sorrow before we can enjoy happiness; almost to the point where we expect it or look for it or, worse yet, don't think we deserve it if we haven't "paid enough." I don't know, maybe it's just me, but, in general, I'm not a fan for those reasons.


But during my bitch fest, I realized, "Dammit! This is like that idiom!" I mean, well, sort of... I realized that the reason I didn't like whatever was on my bitch list about this place, was because what I had at home was so much better! If I hadn't had better, I might have been fine with all the shit I was bitching about. It was BECAUSE I have had so many positive experiences in my life that I could really see how these experiences were, let's just say less desirable in comparison.


So, it occurred to me that perhaps instead of complaining endlessly about the things I was missing, perhaps I should be grateful that I have (or had) them to begin with. And if something isn't living up to my "standards," that's likely because I've had some pretty freakin' amazing experiences that created those standards, and, dammit, I'm grateful for them, 'cuz they were awesome!


So, I decided to write down my bitch list and see if there's a way that I can turn each "bitch" into a "Yasss, Bitch!" As a way to say, "Yasss, bitch, you have had it good!" to celebrate the really cool things I've had or experienced that made me want to bitch in the first place!


So, if you want to try it, here are some items taken from my actual lists to give you an example of how you can make your bitch list a "Yassss, Bitch!" list:

And, before you judge me, I fully realize that the things I have listed are all "first world problems." But that's kind of what this is perfect for. Those little annoying things that can add up and feed on themselves, leading you needlessly into a downward spiral.


And, I'm not gonna lie, some things are harder to turn around than others, like this one for instance:

That one actually made me a little more wistful for the cooler climate rather than totally making me feel better, so, hey, this isn't a perfect system, but at least it gave me a fleeting moment of gratitude, and really that's better than none.


Speaking of which, I know I've talked about gratitude and reframing your thinking A LOT because my experience has been that these are the keys to staying out of the lower spiral. But, I also feel the need to point out that I would never want to encourage you to repress how you're feeling nor do I want you to feel badly that you're feeling crappy. I think one of the worst things about being in this "Meh" space is that I feel guilty that I'm not happier ... because things aren't really that bad. When you add feeling guilty about how you're feeling onto already feeling "blah," it's kind of a recipe for a downward spiral ...


So, I'm saying feel what you're feeling and maybe even feel sorry for yourself for a minute. And, hell, there's not a damn thing wrong with having a little bitch fest every once in a while - either by yourself or with trusted friends. But, when you find yourself endlessly bitching or starting to spiral down, just see if you can turn some of them around.


And, besides, you gotta admit, it's just fun to say, "Yaas, Bitch!" to yourself! Even if you're like me and you're not quite cool enough to pull it off.


Spiral level: Pretty Shitty, Meh, Pretty Darn Good

Use When Feeling: anger, apathy, sadness, people, ugh!