Not everything is about me.
I am getting ready to do one of the most terrifying things I can imagine … I’m going to perform a show on stage without ANY preparation or knowledge of what I’m about to perform. I will walk on stage, be handed an envelope to open in front of the audience, and will then read and perform whatever is written on the script inside. Is anyone else sweating right now, or is it just me?
Oh, and did I mention that I will be on stage alone … to-tal-ly alone … like completely by myself … I’m saying there will be NO OTHER ACTORS there …. Just ME! People will be paying to see a show performed by ME … Alone … unprepared …
Sorry, I blacked out for a minute, but I’m back now….
So, my old familiar friend, stage fright, has been waking me up in the middle of night, shouting, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?! WE HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS!
So, while trying to reason with Mr. Stage Fright (wait … that’s a stupid name … let’s call him Edwin, like from this meme) …
So, while trying to reason with Edwin, something occurred to me … um, not everything is about me.
People will be paying money to see this show, not because of me (ok, well, some of my friends and family will be there for me, but besides that…), but because they’re curious too! This is such a cool and exciting concept that everyone wants to see because it’s unlike anything else.
I realized that I am there to tell a story. I am the vehicle for that story. That is all. My personal reaction to the story, the way I read it, the way I present it will be unique, but it’s the experience of it that we’re all there to enjoy. No one is going to give a shit what I do … just that I do … something … and read the damn story.
It does make it harder to realize it's not all about me, when I will be the lone performer (gulp!), but, if I'm being honest, I always think something is about me! If someone looks at me strangely, I think they’re mad at me. If someone doesn’t call me for a while, I think that I must have done something to upset them. And my favorite thing is to take it to the extreme … if someone doesn’t love me the way I need to be loved, I am inherently unlovable. Ugh!
It’s one of those strange little ironies of the universe that those of us who suffer from low self-esteem and anxiety, are often plagued with this, “it’s all about me” syndrome. We think we’re being all low self-esteemy and humble and shit thinking this way, but it’s actually pretty narcissistic to think that everything is about us.
I know we don't mean to! And I'm not suggesting we beat ourselves up about it AT ALL! I'm just saying that, if this sounds familiar to you, just remember that people have their own shit that they’re dealing with that has nothing to do with you. I saw this image once and it really helped me.
It’s freeing, really, to realize that we’re ALL caught up in our own little worlds. It makes it easier to take those risks ... like being alone … on stage … unprepared … gulp … But then I remembered that at least I won’t be naked! Then I got this text from a friend:
Edwin just blacked out …
Spiral level: All
Use when feeling: low self esteem, fear, anxiety, People, ugh!