My story may be bullshit … and I can free myself from it.
I have a story that I’ve told myself since I was a kid. I’ve rarely shared this story, but I’ve carried it with me, and it has affected the way I feel about myself and interact with people. There are 2 parts:
1.) My parents got divorced when I was a teenager. My dad moved out and never contacted me (until I moved out of my mom's house). I saw him as often as I could, but I always was the one who made the effort. Those are the facts.
2.) Because of that, I told myself that my dad didn’t love me enough to contact me. AND he didn’t love me because I either did something wrong or because I’m inherently unlovable.
So, that second part … um … utter bullshit! I was reading the book,
Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping when I had this aha! moment. He said, “…we all make the mistake of thinking that our interpretations represent the truth.” To say it blew my freakin’ mind is an understatement! Up until then, the two parts were so intertwined that I really believed it was all true.
Separating fact from fiction made it easy for me to see there are so many reasons for what he did. The most likely being that … drum roll please … he’s human! He didn’t know how to handle the situation because, well, he just didn’t have the tools to do any better. It’s as fucking simple as that…
Do you have a story? See if you can find which part is actually fact and which part is bullshit. And for the love of all that’s holy – don’t beat yourself up if you did this. It is a psychological phenomenon, and like Collin said, we ALL do it! You didn’t do anything wrong when you wrote it. And you do have the power to rewrite it.
Spiral level: Meh, Pretty Darn Good, Great!
Use when feeling: Family shit/parents, regret, sad, uneasy