Updated: Apr 1, 2021


It is totally okay to ask for extra love from my loved ones and to love on myself.

Action Plan:

I remember reading once that there was a culture (I don't remember where) that treated brand new mothers (right after they give birth) like babies themselves. People would hold them and feed them and pet their hair and speak to them gently, just like you do with the baby. The premise was that the mother had just been through an exhausting experience and was about to take on enormous responsibility, and she deserved to be treated with the utmost care so she can recuperate and be well rested for the job ahead.

I heard this sometime after giving birth to my son, and I remember thinking, "Man, I wish we did that here! I totally could have used that!" Hell, we can all use this every once in a while... Unfortunately, it’s just not a big part of the American culture – well, not mine anyway.

So, if you’re going through a rough period, and you have someone who can give you some extra tenderness, it is absolutely ok to ask them to! Whether it’s a spouse, parent, roommate, child, ask them to be extra loving and kind to you today.

If you don’t have anyone like that, then love on yourself! Talk kindly to yourself; do something you really enjoy; write yourself a love letter … whatever it is, really enjoy it! If you don’t have a lot of time, set aside a specific amount of time for it; even if it’s just 5 or 10 minutes. And don’t short-change yourself - set a timer, so you can really bask in it. And say this aloud to yourself, “I totally deserve this extra love today.” Say it until you believe it.

Spiral level: Really Low or Pretty Shitty

Use when feeling: lethargic, depressed, sad